i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
