am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
