WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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