Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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