Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
