There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I love you. Go after that dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
