im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So many bounce houses so little time
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We just shotgunned beers for America
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
