Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
