I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
