guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
