i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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