Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
