TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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