My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
