dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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