Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
