He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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