How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
