I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
