I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
