so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
