Who wears a wallet chain?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
