Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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