I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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