just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
