Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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