Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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