Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
