Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
