There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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