i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
