Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
