Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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