Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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