So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
