I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
