Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
