forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
