Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
