I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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