i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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