I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You may now shotgun with the bride
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
