marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
