I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
