There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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