Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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