I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
