if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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