I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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