Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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