if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
