I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
