He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
